"Setting Boundaries Abroad: Lessons from Adlerian Psychology"

Living abroad offers countless opportunities for growth through exposure to new cultures, languages, and ways of thinking. However, it also presents unique challenges, particularly in navigating relationships and maintaining your sense of self. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a key component of thriving in such an environment. This article explores the importance of boundaries and how to implement them effectively while living abroad, drawing on Adlerian psychology.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are psychological limits that define what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions with others. They protect our time, energy, values, emotions and even our physical space. In a foreign culture, where norms and expectations may be quite different from our own, boundaries can often be blurred or difficult to enforce. Clear boundaries not only protect our wellbeing, but also promote healthy, respectful relationships.

Why is it important to have boundaries?

Adlerian psychology emphasises the concept of task separation—the  idea that we need to distinguish between what is our responsibility and what belongs to others. This principle is particularly important when establishing boundaries. By recognising and respecting these distinctions, we can avoid unnecessary stress, guilt or overstepping in our interactions.

For example: 

• You may feel pressure to say yes to every social invitation out of politeness, even if you are exhausted.

• You may find yourself prioritising what others expect of you over what you value.

• Cultural differences may lead you to suppress your feelings for fear of misunderstanding or conflict.

In these scenarios, unclear boundaries can lead to frustration, burnout, or a diminished sense of self. Healthy boundary-setting helps you maintain emotional balance and positive relationships

Benefits of setting boundaries

• Reduced stress

Clear boundaries prevent over-commitment and help you manage your energy effectively.

• Increased self-esteem

By prioritising your needs and values, you strengthen your sense of self-worth.

• Healthier relationships

  Boundaries create mutual respect and understanding, paving the way for balanced, equitable relationships.

How to set boundaries while living abroad

1. Clarify your values and needs

Take time to reflect on what is most important to you. Identify areas where you need to set boundaries to protect your wellbeing. For example, decide how much time you can devote to social commitments or how you will manage your work-life balance.

2. Communicate assertively

Assertive communication is essential when expressing your limitations, especially in a different cultural context. Be clear but respectful when communicating your needs. Examples include:

"I'd love to help, but I'm very busy and can't take on any more at the moment."

"I need some time to think about this. I'll get back to you tomorrow."

3. Learn to say no

Saying no can feel uncomfortable, especially if you're in a culture that values harmony or collectivism. However, remember that refusing a request or invitation is not rude in itself. It's an act of self-care that allows you to be authentic in the commitments you do accept.

4. Understand cultural contexts

As you set boundaries, be open to understanding the cultural norms around you. Striking a balance between asserting your needs and respecting local customs can help you navigate cross-cultural relationships gracefully.

5. Reflect and adapt regularly

Living abroad is often a time of rapid personal growth. Take time to evaluate how well your boundaries are working and make adjustments as needed. Journaling, mindfulness practices or seeking professional counselling can be helpful tools for self-reflection.

Adlerian perspective: Tasks and Relationships

Adlerian psychology reminds us that we are responsible for our own tasks and emotions, just as others are responsible for theirs. Overstepping boundaries—either by taking on others' burdens or expecting them to carry ours—can lead to unhealthy dynamics. Instead, focus on building relationships based on mutual respect and cooperation while maintaining a strong sense of self.

For example, if someone misunderstands your boundaries, it is their task to process their reaction. Your task is to communicate respectfully and remain firm in upholding your boundaries. This division of responsibility promotes healthier, more authentic relationships.

Living abroad and thriving authentically

Boundaries are not walls to keep others out; they are guidelines that allow you to engage more fully and authentically with the world around you. By understanding your own needs and practising the principle of separation of tasks, you can navigate the complexities of living abroad with confidence and clarity.

As you grow in your ability to set and maintain boundaries, you'll find that they not only protect your wellbeing but also enrich your relationships and experiences. So take the time to think about your boundaries and make sure they are in line with your values and goals.

Living abroad is a journey of discovery; make sure your boundaries support the life you want to create!!