"How to Maintain Your Own Axis While Living Abroad: Learning to Set Boundaries through Adlerian Psychology"

The Importance of Boundaries in Life Abroad: Building a Foundation for Authentic Living

Living abroad offers countless opportunities for growth as you encounter new cultures, languages, and perspectives. However, it also brings unique challenges, especially in maintaining relationships and self-awareness. In cross-cultural life, having clear boundaries becomes a crucial foundation for living authentically. In this article, we explore the importance of boundaries in international living and how to establish them effectively, drawing insights from Adlerian psychology.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are psychological limits that define what is acceptable and what is not in interactions with others. They exist to protect your values, emotions, time, energy, and personal space. While living abroad, cultural and communication differences can sometimes blur these boundaries or make you feel they are not respected. Clearly defining boundaries is essential not only for maintaining healthy relationships but also for protecting yourself.

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Adlerian psychology emphasizes task separation, which is distinguishing between your responsibilities and those of others. This principle is particularly important when establishing boundaries. By recognizing what belongs to you and what belongs to others, you can prevent unnecessary stress, guilt, and overcommitment.

For example:

Being frequently asked for help by friends abroad and feeling unable to say no.

Overextending yourself to meet others’ expectations, draining your time and energy.

Accepting foreign cultural values to the extent that you lose sight of your own.

Without clear boundaries, frustration can accumulate, potentially leading to burnout or lowered self-esteem. By applying task separation, you can clearly understand “what is my responsibility and what belongs to others.” This awareness allows you to maintain appropriate distance in relationships and live without unnecessary strain.

Adlerian Perspective: Task Separation and Healthy Relationships

Adlerian psychology proposes task separation as a tool for maintaining emotional and relational health. This involves distinguishing between your tasks and others’ tasks to recognize where responsibility lies and to avoid unnecessary burden or guilt.

For instance, if someone reacts negatively to your boundaries, their discomfort is their task. Your task is to communicate respectfully and maintain your boundaries. Similarly, there is no need to intervene excessively in others’ responsibilities. This approach enables the formation of healthier, more trustworthy relationships.

Task separation also helps maintain self-esteem. Instead of being swayed by others’ expectations or cultural values, you can honour your own values and emotions, keeping a clear sense of self. In cross-cultural situations, this approach allows you to stay authentic without feeling pressured to adapt excessively.

Benefits of Having Boundaries

Reduced Stress: Recognizing your limits and refusing unreasonable demands helps ease emotional and mental burdens.

Increased Self-Respect: Valuing your own feelings and principles reinforces your sense of self-worth.

Healthier Relationships: Clear boundaries lay the foundation for equal, respectful, and balanced interactions with others.

How to Maintain Boundaries While Living Abroad

Clarify Your Values

In a different culture, your personal values may be challenged. Reaffirm what is important to you and identify non-negotiable areas. Examples include prioritizing family time on weekends or keeping certain personal information private.

Develop Communication Skills

Assertiveness is often required abroad. Practice expressing your feelings politely and clearly without hurting others.

Examples:

“I’m busy now, but I can help another time.”

“I feel this way, and I would appreciate your understanding on this matter.”

Have the Courage to Say “No”

Many people feel guilty about declining requests, but saying no is not rude—it is self-care and ensures you can honour your commitments authentically.

Respect Others’ Cultures and Values

Protecting your boundaries does not mean rejecting others. Respect cultural differences while staying true to your own values. Mutual recognition strengthens relationships.

Take Time for Self-Reflection

Life abroad is full of stimuli, but maintaining your own pace is crucial. Journaling, mindfulness, or counselling can help you regularly process your thoughts and emotions.

Living Authentically

Having boundaries is not selfish—it is a way to care for yourself. By applying Adlerian task separation, you can deepen self-understanding and use it as a foundation for navigating the complexities of life abroad.

Life overseas is full of challenges, but by listening to your inner voice and maintaining clear boundaries, you can experience a more fulfilling and balanced daily life.

Support at Locus of Life

At Locus of Life, I support individuals in developing and maintaining healthy boundaries while living abroad or navigating cross-cultural environments. Through counselling, I help deepen self-understanding and self-acceptance, organize emotions, and improve relationships. Together, we explore your unique Locus of Life—the trajectory of your life—and work to create a foundation for living confidently and authentically. Let’s cultivate the skills and mindset to thrive while staying true to yourself in any cultural context.