"It’s Not Your Fault!: The Power of a Single Word That Touches the Heart"

Many of the people who come to see me have spent much of their lives pretending to be “okay.”

Some have lived abroad, with no one to rely on, struggling through cultural differences and loneliness all on their own. Some were taught from a young age that they had to be a “good child,” and have been suppressing their true feelings ever since. Others have longed to share their pain with someone, but the fear of being seen as “needy” or “weak” kept them silent.

When such people finally begin to loosen their hearts, and are able to give themselves permission to say, “It’s okay to feel this way,” I am overcome with wordless emotion and deep respect.

Today, I’d like to share a little about why such transformations happen, and what I pay close attention to in my sessions. Please read at your own pace, in a way that feels right for you.

The Moment the Heart Softens

There’s a moment in this work that never fails to deeply move me.

It’s when someone who’s long believed, “I’m not worthy of love,” begins to feel, even just a little, “Maybe I’m okay just as I am.”

For example, when someone who’s been holding it all together while living abroad, unable to show weakness, quietly says through tears in a session, “I felt so lonely”—I simply receive that feeling in silence.

I’ve also witnessed many moments when someone reflects on their past or their family and says, “I always thought my parents didn’t love me,” but then realizes—maybe their parents had their own way of showing love, and they just couldn’t recognize it at the time.

Perhaps their parent struggled with emotional expression and couldn’t show affection through words or gestures. As a child, they couldn't perceive this clumsy expression as love. But as an adult, when they re-examine the past from a different angle, they begin to notice the earnest love that was there all along.

Of course, this doesn’t mean forgiving everything or denying the pain you felt. Rather, gaining a slightly different perspective on the past can help you gently embrace your younger self.

In this way, through tears and new perspectives, the heart gradually softens. People begin to let go of the habit of self-blame and start to speak their true feelings.

There Is a Reason for Your Pain

There is always a reason behind the pain people carry. It’s not about personality or weakness. It’s shaped by many overlapping factors: one’s upbringing, cultural background, attachment style, and past wounds.

People who didn’t have the chance to depend on others in childhood often feel anxiety or guilt about “relying” on someone. And when living overseas, showing your emotions can sometimes be seen as a sign of weakness, adding to that pressure.

Instead of trying to force change, I believe in tracing these experiences gently, one by one, and creating a space where a person can feel truly “understood.” In a safe, trusting relationship, they begin to put their inner world into words, little by little. And from that space of trust, a small sense of spaciousness is born—and that’s where healing begins.

Through that process, people gradually return to themselves. They begin to speak their truth, let go of self-blame, and build new, meaningful connections with those they care about.

I've watched each of these changes unfold like a quiet miracle.

Not Weakness: A Sign of Survival

At the same time, I often feel frustration and anger.

How many people have been told:

“You’re in pain because you’re weak.” “Why can’t you just deal with it yourself?”

How many have suffered in silence, believing it was their fault because no one understood them?

Let me say this clearly:

Attachment wounds and trauma are not signs of weakness.

They are ways of being strong—survival strategies developed to get through a childhood without protection, or a reality where no one could be trusted.

You are not suffering because you’re weak. You’re suffering because you’ve been fighting alone for so long, trying to stay strong.

As I often write in my blogs, there is one belief I hold close to my heart:

Everything that happens in life has meaning.

The things that happened to you didn’t happen because you were bad or wrong. Rather, I believe they appeared in your life for a reason—something meaningful for you.

That’s why there’s no need to blame yourself. If you can learn and grow from what has happened, you will move forward.

This is one of the core beliefs I hold dear in every session.

A Journey Back to Yourself

So I’ll say it again—and again:

“It’s not your fault.” “If we face it together, you can heal.”

If you’re carrying something you haven’t been able to tell anyone, please don’t keep it buried inside.

It might feel scary to reach out. But if you can take even the smallest step, your life will begin to change—slowly, but surely.

A journey to return to your true self. There’s nothing more meaningful to me than walking alongside you in that journey.

Please feel free to message me anytime. I’m truly looking forward to hearing from you.

Locus of Life : A place to gently light the way back to the centre of your life.