"My Locus of Life: Finding the Axis of My Own Life"

The Dream and Reality of Living Abroad

The reason I moved to the UK was my marriage to my ex-husband. At that time, I hardly paid attention to the differences between life in Japan and the UK, the difficulties of living abroad, or the language barrier. All I felt was the joy of being able to live with the person I loved in a new country. Looking back now, I can’t help but laugh at my own naivety.

Living in a foreign country was completely unfamiliar—I didn’t know which way to turn, and my only support was my ex-husband.

Sudden Divorce and Overwhelming Uncertainty

The marriage lasted 15 years, but one day, my ex-husband suddenly told me he wanted a divorce. At that time, with my young son in my arms, I remember feeling completely lost, wondering, “How am I supposed to live in this country from now on?”

The divorce proceedings were the most difficult period of my life. My ex-husband continued with relentless bullying and provocative behaviour. Each time, I found myself silently shouting in my mind, “Why are you treating me like this? It’s over already—why won’t you just leave me alone?” Yet, I still reacted to his words and actions.

Discovering Counselling and Finding My Own Axis

It was during this period that I began studying counselling, which became a major turning point in my life. I learned the importance of valuing myself and gradually started living according to my own “axis.” Life became easier, and my time in the UK started to feel enjoyable and more comfortable, even if not perfect.

Growth and Gratitude Amid Pain

Nearly eight years have passed since the divorce. Looking back, I realize that, even though his behaviour was unreasonable, I wouldn’t be who I am today without my ex-husband. If he hadn’t acted the way he did, I might not have grown as strong as I have.

Even though I was hurt by his actions, I was able to turn those experiences into something that strengthened and enriched me. The moment I realized this, the dark emotions I had harboured for so long simply faded, and I felt a small sense of forgiveness toward him.

I had never imagined feeling grateful to my ex-husband before. Yet now, like a small sprout, I feel a tiny sense of gratitude growing toward him. It’s not a perfect emotion, but it’s enough. I want to nurture this small sprout, quietly telling myself, “You’ve done well.”

Knowing and Loving Yourself

Even now, as a practicing counsellor, I cannot say that I completely love myself. But I feel a real sense of growth as I walk alongside my clients. It is precisely because of my own struggles that I can empathize deeply with those who are experiencing similar challenges.

“Knowing yourself” may sound simple, but it is actually a profound and complex journey. Even if you think, “I understand myself well,” life constantly surprises you with emotions you didn’t realize were there—sensitivity, vulnerability, the loneliness or fear behind anger. By gradually shining light on these parts of ourselves, we begin the true process of self-discovery.

Loving yourself is even harder. It is easy to hear the inner voice saying, “You’re not good enough” or “You need to try harder,” but much harder to speak kindly to yourself, saying, “It’s okay as you are” or “You’re doing your best.”

A Lifelong Journey Toward the True Self

Still, perhaps every person spends a lifetime searching for the answer to the question, “Who am I, really?” The path is never straightforward, but there is great meaning in continuing to face ourselves, even while lost or uncertain.

If you are seeking peace of mind, I invite you to embark on this journey with me. Together, let us trace your own “Locus of Life.”