"My Locus of Life: Finding the Axis of My Own Life"

I moved to the UK because of my marriage to my ex-husband. At the time, I gave little thought to the differences between life in Japan and the UK, the challenges of living abroad, or the language barrier. I simply felt joy at the thought of living in a new country with the person I loved. Looking back now, I’m amazed at how little I really understood. Thrown into an unfamiliar country, I had no choice but to rely entirely on my husband. He was the only person I could depend on.

That was how our marriage began, and it lasted for 15 years—until one day, quite suddenly, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. With a young son in my arms, I found myself utterly lost, unsure how I would manage to live in this country on my own.

The divorce proceedings that followed became the most painful period of my life. My ex-husband repeatedly bullied and provoked me, making each day feel like a battle. I kept asking myself, “Why is he treating me this way? We’re already divorced—can’t he just leave me alone?” And yet, I often found myself reacting to his words and actions, caught in a cycle I couldn’t seem to escape.

Eventually, I began studying counselling, which turned out to be a major turning point. Through that journey, I discovered the importance of loving and caring for myself. Though I’m far from perfect, I’ve learned to live based on my own values, and life here in the UK has gradually become more enjoyable, and easier too.

It’s now nearly eight years since the divorce. Reflecting on these years, I’ve come to realise something important: Had it not been for my ex-husband, I would not be the person I am today. If he hadn’t behaved the way he did, perhaps I wouldn’t have developed the strength to stand on my own and survive in this foreign land. With each hurtful experience, I began to feel that I was growing into a stronger, more resilient, and even more radiant version of myself. And in that moment of realisation, the dark emotions I had been carrying for so long seemed to lift—and I felt as though I could finally forgive him.

There was a time when the very idea of feeling gratitude toward my ex-husband seemed impossible. But now, I can sense a small seed of thankfulness beginning to grow within me. It’s not perfect. But it’s enough. And as I nurture that fragile feeling, I quietly say to myself, “You’ve done well to come this far.”

Even now, as someone who works as a counsellor, I wouldn’t say I love myself completely. But I do feel that I am continuing to grow, alongside the clients I support. And because I have experienced so much hardship myself, I believe I can truly empathise with others who are struggling.

Knowing yourself may sound simple, but it is in fact a deep and complex journey. Even when we think we know ourselves well, life has a way of revealing hidden parts of us—feelings we didn’t know were there. Delicate vulnerabilities, wounds, the loneliness and fear that often lie behind anger—Only when we gently shine a light on those parts can we begin to understand what it really means to “know ourselves.”

And loving yourself—truly loving yourself—is much harder than it sounds. It’s easy to hear the voice that says, “You’re not good enough,” or “You need to try harder. ” But it’s much harder to speak kindly to ourselves: to say, “You’re doing your best,” or “You’re fine just as you are.”

Still, perhaps each of us is spending our lifetime seeking the answer to the question, “Who am I, really?” The journey is rarely a straight path, but I believe there’s great meaning in simply continuing to face ourselves, even though the confusion and doubt.

If you, too, are searching for inner peace—Why not begin that journey with me? Let us discover and draw out your own Locus of Life—the axis upon which your true life can unfold.