The Reality of International Marriage (Part 1) : Lessons from Life in the UK and a Divorce Case

For many people, living overseas with the person they love sounds like a dream come true. Yet, when that dream becomes reality, what lies ahead is not always as idyllic as imagined. Cultural differences, bureaucratic systems, loneliness, and even inner changes can all test one’s strength and sense of self.

In this three-part series, I share my own experience of moving to the UK through international marriage — exploring the space between dream and reality. In this first chapter, I reflect on the early days of my new life in Britain and the unexpected challenges that awaited me there.

The Beginning of an International Marriage: Between Hope and Hard Reality

International marriage — for many, it symbolises romance, adventure, and the hope of a shared life across cultures. The idea of building a future abroad with someone you love is deeply appealing.

I was no different. I prepared eagerly for marriage and life overseas, certain that I was stepping into something beautiful and fulfilling. But reality proved far more complex. Cultural contrasts, everyday inconveniences, legal barriers, and unforeseen hardships revealed that international marriage involves much more than the glamorous image often seen from afar.

Of course, there are countless couples who enjoy happy, stable international marriages without such difficulties. What I share here is simply one Japanese woman’s personal experience after moving to the UK for love. Everyone’s journey is different, and that diversity of experience matters.

Still, I hope my story will offer insight to those considering an international marriage, or already living one and finding it challenging. That’s why I’ve decided to tell my story over three instalments, step by step.

Childhood Dreams of Life Abroad

Since childhood, I’d been fascinated by foreign countries. Each time I travelled abroad, I felt a spark — an excitement that only deepened over time. Living overseas became my dream, and working as a flight attendant felt like the natural path towards it.

Flying with Japan Airlines allowed me to visit Europe, Asia, and America. Yet, no matter how breath-taking the destinations, I always had to return to Japan after a few days. I came to realise that truly understanding another country meant living there, not just visiting as a guest.

Marriage was another dream I had long held. In my twenties, I began to imagine that an international marriage — and a life abroad — would be a wonderful and enriching experience. At the time, I pictured it as something almost effortlessly beautiful.

Why I Decided to Move to the UK

To be honest, Britain wasn’t love at first sight. The grey skies, the unpredictable weather, and the rather bland food didn’t appeal to me at first. Over 20 years ago, during one of my early London flights, I could hardly find a restaurant meal I truly enjoyed.

Even so, I was drawn to certain British charms — afternoon tea, the image of the English gentleman, and the rolling countryside. My English was strong from work, and I’d once dated a Canadian, so I naïvely believed I’d adapt easily to an English-speaking country.

I met my ex-husband when I was living in Japan and he in the UK. Before long, he said, “Why don’t you move to Britain?” Since I was more accustomed to living overseas, it seemed natural that I would relocate rather than him moving to Japan.

“All my dreams, living abroad, marrying the man I love, are finally coming true,” I thought. With that sense of excitement, I moved to the UK in April 2002, unaware of the small warning signs along the way.

Facing Everyday Reality in the UK

I was fortunate that Japan Airlines had just opened recruitment for London-based cabin crew, so I was able to continue working. Yet, everyday life in Britain was full of surprises — and frustrations.

Public Transport: Unlike Japan, trains were frequently delayed, and timetables were unreliable. When my husband and I lived in Norfolk, it once took me seven hours to commute home from Heathrow.

Healthcare Culture Shock: Under the NHS, you can’t freely choose your hospital, and waiting times in A&E can stretch for hours. Aftercare is minimal, and there’s a sense of “It’s free, so you can’t expect much.” I struggled to accept this attitude, having come from Japan’s patient-centred healthcare system.

Bureaucratic Challenges: Opening a bank account or signing contracts often required my husband’s support. I felt powerless, unable to handle even simple things on my own.

Small Daily Differences: From separate hot and cold taps to shopping trolleys left abandoned in car parks, minor frustrations piled up and began to wear me down.

Even though my English was strong in one-to-one situations, I found group conversations difficult and gradually withdrew from socialising. Since I could fly back to Japan through work, I told myself I didn’t need to make friends locally, but that only deepened my isolation.

The one thing that kept me grounded was my job. Wearing my JAL uniform, I felt a sense of purpose, a reminder that I still had value in a life that often felt uncertain.

The Gap Between Ideal and Reality

My ex-husband came from a working-class background. He was honest and hardworking but often faced unstable employment. Coming from Japan’s culture of lifetime jobs, I found this instability deeply unsettling. Eventually, I became the main breadwinner in our household.

After our marriage, I discovered he had debts — which we repaid using my savings from Japan. Even then, I didn’t think of divorce. I wanted to support him and was determined not to return to Japan.

Our life was far from what I had imagined, yet he did have a kind and gentle side. I would tell him, “Because we come from different cultures, we must always talk about everything openly.” I tried to live by that, believing communication could bridge our differences.

Between Dreams and Harsh Realities

And so, my life in Britain began, full of hope, yet quickly tested by the weight of reality. Living abroad for love was far tougher than I had ever expected. Yet, within that struggle, I began to discover something deeper, a truer sense of myself.

In the next post, I’ll share the second chapter of my story — raising children in Britain and how our marriage evolved over time. For those considering international marriage or life abroad with a partner, I hope my experiences offer both realism and reassurance: that even amid challenge, we can grow and find meaning in unexpected ways.