“The Anxiety and Uncertainty of Parenting Adolescents: Love in Trusting and Watching Over”

In the Midst of Worry and Uncertainty

When children reach adolescence, they may suddenly stop talking to you, become rebellious, or not want to go to school. At such times, parents are often filled with questions like, “What’s happened?” or “Is it something I’ve done wrong?”—leaving them feeling worried and unsure.

I was one of those parents.

In this article, I’d like to share, from both my experience as a mother and my perspective as a counsellor, my thoughts on the love that lies in “trusting and watching over”.

Listening Rather Than “Helping” Builds Trust

When I began to sense that something wasn’t quite right with my son, I quickly turned to the school for advice and tried to find solutions. That, in itself, wasn’t wrong. But there was something even more important.

It was simply listening to my child.

Out of my own anxiety, I would often say, “Why don’t you try this?” or “You should do that,” piling on advice. But to my son, it felt like, “You don’t trust me” or “You don’t understand me.”

“Mummy, you don’t trust me, do you?”

Those words pierced my heart.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. But I hadn’t been able to “trust and wait”.

That realisation became the first step towards a new chapter in our relationship.

A Son Who Is Both Grown-Up and Childlike

When I’m with my son, I notice that while his body has grown and his words sound mature, his thinking can still be quite childlike at times. In those moments, I would feel myself bristle and end up giving him advice or pointing out the “logical” thing to do.

I also knew that my son wanted to be treated like an adult. And so, for a while, I responded to him as I would to any adult.

But then, I couldn’t understand why he thought or behaved the way he did, and I would become confused. That confusion often turned into irritation—and the cycle repeated itself.

Of course, there are still moments when I feel that flash of irritation. But as I’ve come to understand, “This part of him is still a child,” those feelings have gradually softened.

This shift has been another important step in learning to “trust and watch over” him.

Hearing the Silent Voice

Adolescents often struggle to express their feelings in words. Behind phrases like “I don’t know”, “Either way is fine”, or “I can’t do it”, there’s often a hidden mix of confusion and anxiety.

At this stage, it’s less about drawing their thoughts out and more about receiving them as they are. Simply saying, “I see, that’s how you feel right now,” is often enough.

In time, you may find that, in the middle of an everyday conversation, they suddenly let slip a glimpse of their true feelings.

That one remark carries a great deal of courage and trust. And that moment is a quiet sign that the distance between you is closing.

Parents Don’t Have to Be Perfect

I used to think, “Why didn’t I notice sooner?” and blame myself. But now I realise—parents don’t need to be perfect.

Even if we’re clumsy, even if we make mistakes, what matters is that we face our children with love.

What children truly want is to be accepted exactly as they are. That’s something I’ve finally come to understand.

Trusting and Watching Over Is the Greatest Love

Missing school for a while, or grades slipping—those things don’t mean the end of the world.

What truly matters is that your child can think about how they want to live from here on.

The greatest thing a parent can do is to trust their child and wait.

Even if it’s not visible now, that attitude will reach your child’s heart in time. I believe that is the greatest love a parent can give.

You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

Parent–teen relationships can sometimes feel lonely and painful. But you are not alone.

At Locus of Life, I offer a space to talk about anything—from school refusal and miscommunication, to sibling relationships. If you’re feeling, “I want to trust and watch over them, but I’m being crushed by anxiety,” I’d be glad to listen.

I truly hope that your relationship with your child will gently grow warmer, step by step.