"Healing Your Inner Child: Releasing Emotional Wounds and Cultivating the Ability to Care for Yourself"

What is the Inner Child?

The inner child refers to the emotional part of ourselves from childhood that continues to exist within our psyche. It encompasses not only joy and comfort, but also sadness, loneliness, fear, and anxiety—emotions and wounds shaped by childhood experiences.

Research in psychology shows that the emotions of the inner child can influence adult behaviour, relationships, and self-evaluation. Emotions that were not fully acknowledged in childhood may unconsciously contribute to beliefs such as "I am not worthy" or "I am not lovable."

Importantly, the inner child resides in the unconscious, not merely in the subconscious, making it difficult to notice in everyday life. Amid the busyness of daily routines and habitual thinking, the feelings and wounds from childhood often remain out of awareness, leaving us puzzled as to why we repeatedly struggle with the same patterns.

Everyone Carries Small Wounds

No matter how loving one's family environment may have been, everyone carries some form of childhood emotional wound. This could be the sadness felt when scolded by a parent, the loneliness experienced after a dispute with friends, or the anxiety of being unable to express one’s feelings. These everyday experiences leave lasting impressions on the heart.

Personally, I was fortunate to grow up receiving deep love from my parents. Yet, as a child, my father was busy with work and we could only see each other on weekends. Even then, weekends were often occupied with client golf outings or writing academic papers, leaving limited time with him. As a daddy’s girl, I silently felt a profound sense of loneliness.

My mother was very educationally driven, guiding me firmly out of love for my growth. As a child, however, every time she scolded me, I felt sad. At school, although I was not bullied, conflicts with friends sometimes left me feeling isolated for a while.

Before studying counselling, I had no idea how much these childhood emotions had influenced my way of living. They had been sealed away in my unconscious. However, learning about the concept of the inner child allowed me to gradually heal those early emotional wounds. While some feelings may still lie deep within me, I believe that slowly nurturing them is essential to living as my authentic self.

What It Means to Heal the Inner Child

Healing the inner child is not merely about recalling past wounds. Psychologically, it is described as "the process of recognising unresolved childhood emotions and safely accepting them."

The process begins with acknowledging that the emotions existed. Speaking kindly to your younger self—saying,

"You did your best," or "Your feelings are important"--

helps gradually release the unconscious emotional burdens. In psychology, this is referred to as “emotional integration,” where accepting unresolved emotions strengthens self-esteem and psychological resilience.

Healing the inner child is not only about reflecting on the past; it is a means to live more freely in the present. Recognising how childhood feelings influence current thoughts and behaviour allows for healthier, more conscious choices in relationships and self-expression.

Healing the Inner Child and Recognising the Animus/Anima

In Jungian psychology, the unconscious contains the Animus (masculine aspect) and Anima (feminine aspect).

• Animus: For women, the masculine side symbolises willpower, decisiveness, assertiveness, and initiative.

• Anima: For men, the feminine side symbolises sensitivity, empathy, introspection, and emotional flexibility.

  
  

Through healing the inner child, one first recognises and accepts emotions such as loneliness, sadness, and anxiety. This process facilitates the conscious recognition of the Animus or Anima.

• For women: Awareness of the Animus enables recognition of one’s assertiveness, decisiveness, and ability to act.

• For men: Awareness of the Anima enables recognition of one’s sensitivity, empathy, and emotional acceptance.

  
  

Personally, as I healed my inner child, recognising my Animus allowed me to gain more confidence. I had previously avoided small decisions or asserting myself, but acknowledging my inner strength enabled me to act with self-assurance.

Similarly, when men recognise and integrate their Anima, they can express sensitivity and empathy more readily, fostering flexibility and security in relationships and self-expression.

Thus, healing the inner child and recognising the Animus/Anima is a crucial process that fosters self-trust, emotional integration, decisiveness, and empathy, supporting psychological independence and growth.

Starting Small: Beginner-Friendly Inner Child Healing Exercises

Even beginners can approach healing the inner child. The key is to notice the young self within and respond with compassion. Here are some approachable exercises:

Writing down your emotions in a journal: Putting childhood experiences and emotions into words brings unconscious feelings into awareness. The act of writing itself helps organise thoughts and reduces stress.

Speaking to your younger self: Say to yourself, "You did your best," or "Your feelings are important." This practices self-affirmation and fosters self-esteem.

Allowing yourself to feel emotions in a safe space: In daily life, emotions are often overlooked. Taking quiet, safe time to feel them allows suppressed feelings to surface and eases mental tension and anxiety.

Imagery work: hugging your younger self: Visualise and mentally embrace or encourage your younger self. Psychologically, this recreates a “safe base” experience, nurturing a sense of security and self-trust.

Cultivating the Ability to Care for Yourself

Healing the inner child nurtures self-esteem and the capacity to care for oneself. By integrating unresolved experiences, psychological resilience improves, enhancing stress tolerance and relational flexibility.

A healed inner child guides us to acknowledge our own needs and feelings without suppression. Consequently, we are freed from self-criticism, guilt, and excessive self-restraint, enabling healthier, more positive choices. Increased self-esteem reduces the tendency to compare ourselves with others or be swayed by external evaluations, leading to greater inner stability and security.

From the perspective of attachment theory, healing the inner child also allows insecure attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant patterns, to shift closer to a secure style. Secure attachment is characterised by high self-esteem and healthy relational boundaries.

In short, healing the inner child fosters inner stability and, through attachment security, develops the capacity to care for oneself and build safe, trusting relationships.

At Locus of Life, I am here to support those who find it difficult to heal their inner child and care for their emotional wounds on their own, by providing a safe and compassionate space to walk alongside them. When it feels hard to make progress with the methods introduced in the blog, I offer an environment where you can take time at your own pace, gently listening to the feelings and concerns left in your heart since childhood, and helping you regain the strength to live as your true self.

What memories from your childhood still remain in your heart today?