Why Am I Here? : Lessons from 20 Years of Living Abroad as a Japanese

Japan is increasingly facing discussions about immigration and multicultural coexistence. Many worry that Japan might face challenges similar to those experienced in countries like the UK, where diverse cultures and values sometimes clash.

In this article, I reflect on my experience as a Japanese person living in the UK for over 20 years. I explore what it means to preserve Japanese values, show care and respect for others, and assert personal boundaries while adapting to a multicultural society.

Protecting What Matters and Setting Boundaries

—What I Have Learned as a Japanese Person Living in a Multicultural Society—

In recent years, discussions about immigration have become more common in Japan.

I often hear people say, “Japan must not become like the UK.”

Indeed, the UK is a multicultural society.

Various races, cultures, and values coexist, but conflicts and tensions between different groups are also a reality.

I moved to the UK over 20 years ago and have experienced both the bright and challenging sides of this multicultural life firsthand.

When people from abroad say to me, “Japan is such a wonderful country” or “Japanese culture and values are amazing”, I feel proud—but also a sense of responsibility.

Japan has a long history of cultivating a culture of respect and care for others.

These are values that our predecessors built and preserved over centuries.

I feel strongly against any attempt to disregard or trample on this culture and history.

So now, more than ever, I believe we need to ask ourselves, “How should we, as individuals, live in the world?”—not just emotionally, but from a thoughtful, grounded place.

Adapting to a New Culture as a Japanese Expat

In Japan, people often say, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” when talking about immigration.

This is similar to the Japanese phrase 郷に入れば郷に従え, meaning that when you are in another country, it is important to respect local customs and follow the rules of that society.

I agree with this idea.

Respecting the culture and way of life of the country you move to, and trying to adapt, is essential.

When I first arrived in the UK, I followed this principle.

I tried to understand the culture and values, and to integrate as best I could.

There was nothing wrong with that approach.

However, over time, constantly adjusting, holding back my opinions, and avoiding conflict made me pause and ask myself:

“Why am I here in this country?”

I began to lose sight of who I truly was and what I valued.

This quiet fading of one’s identity is something that many Japanese people living abroad may experience.

What Can Be Lost in an Individualistic Society

The UK is an individualistic society.

While independence and personal freedom are valued, the kind of “omotenashi” culture—Japan’s unique approach to hospitality, anticipating the needs of others, and showing care and respect—is less visible in daily life.

Many people seem to have given up on expecting that kind of warmth.

But I believe that deep down, most people still long for it.

Being treated with care.

Being noticed and valued.

Being respected as a person.

These are universal human desires that cross cultures and borders.

This is why visitors to Japan often say, “Japan is such a wonderful country” or “Japanese people are so kind.”

I think this appreciation comes from our culture of attentiveness and respect.

For what purpose am I here?

When I realised this, a thought emerged in me:

Even if my own influence is small, I want to share and spread this culture of care and attentiveness in my surroundings.

If I live it out in my daily actions, someone may witness it and pass it on to another.

And gradually, that circle of kindness may grow.

This is why I work in care and as a counsellor—to help expand that circle in whatever small way I can.

Protecting someone’s dignity, handling their life with care—these are not extraordinary acts.

They are small, everyday gestures we can all offer.

Kindness and the Power to Say “No”

Japanese culture has a long tradition of respecting and valuing others.

It is important for every Japanese person to carry this within themselves.

But equally important is the ability to say “No.”

Over the past 20 years, I have learned that saying No is essential for maintaining balance.

Living in a society as a perpetual giver—where others often take without consideration—can be exhausting if you cannot assert boundaries.

Being kind does not mean sacrificing yourself.

Healthy boundaries allow care and compassion to flow sustainably.

Rethinking Discrimination and Bias in Multicultural Societies

Discrimination is often discussed in the UK.

I believe that everyone harbours some form of bias in their hearts, even if they do not voice it.

Discrimination is not just about race.

It can take many forms—age, gender, culture, values, lifestyle—anywhere in the world.

But rather than thinking of all differences as discrimination, we can consider them as distinctions.

No two people in this world are exactly the same.

Differences are natural—they are not a measure of superiority or inferiority.

Being different is part of what makes someone unique.

Victim Mentality and Self-Worth

As a counsellor, I also recognise that feeling discriminated against sometimes reflects one’s own sense of self-worth.

If someone deeply believes, “I am inferior” or “I am not accepted”, the words or actions of others can hurt more profoundly.

But if a person can think, “I am enough as I am”, then even hurtful words can be seen as the other person’s issue, and not diminish their own value.

This does not justify discriminatory behaviour, nor does it excuse it.

It simply highlights the importance of not placing your dignity solely in the hands of others.

What Each of Us Can Do

Immigration and discrimination cannot be solved by politics or systems alone.

Each of us must consider:

- How close or distant we stand in our relationships

- Where to draw boundaries and what to protect

- What kind of kindness we choose to show

Preserving Japanese values of respect and care, while also cultivating the courage to say “No”, is essential for living in today’s world.

I hope this article can help someone rediscover their sense of self and interact with others while protecting their own boundaries.

About Locus of Life

If you feel uncertain or anxious about your daily life or relationships, Locus of Life provides a space where you can express yourself safely while preserving your dignity.

- To organise and understand your feelings

- To navigate boundaries in relationships

- To adjust to cultural differences, including life abroad

I provide support based on experience and practice, helping you feel lighter in mind and heart.