"Accepting the Past and Believing in the Future: A Journey to Reclaiming Self-Esteem"

There was a time when I had lost my sense of self-worth. The journey to rediscover it was neither swift nor straightforward. Yet, when I reflect upon it now, I realise that a series of experiences and encounters gradually led me back to my true self.

Embracing Self-Reflection Through Learning

The first turning point came when I began studying counselling. Acquiring new knowledge wasn't merely about absorbing information; it became a journey of self-discovery. As I delved into the intricacies of the human mind, I started to recognise and name the anxieties, wounds, and long-ignored emotions within me. This process allowed me to gently acknowledge my vulnerabilities and fragilities.

A subtle yet profound realisation emerged: "Perhaps it's acceptable to be just as I am." This sentiment began to illuminate my heart, leading me to uncover latent strengths and potentials within myself. Gradually, my perception of my own existence started to shift.

Illuminating My Roots

The second significant moment occurred when I pondered, "What can I contribute in this country?" Having found myself living in the UK by chance, I began to contemplate my identity in this foreign land. Amidst differing languages, cultures, and values, I became acutely aware of my Japanese heritage.

Within me, the unique virtues of Japanese culture—compassion, harmony, and the spirit of giving—began to shine brightly. I realised that these values are universally cherished, transcending national boundaries.

If I could play a role in sharing these cultural beauties, it might affirm my own worth and purpose. This thought sparked a new aspiration within me, aiding in the gradual restoration of my self-worth.

Reconnecting with My Younger Self

Another pivotal realisation came when I revisited my childhood memories. As a child, I was expressive and possessed a unique way of thinking and feeling. However, these traits often made me stand out, leading to feelings of isolation. Consequently, I began to perceive these aspects as flaws, suppressing my true nature.

Yet, reflecting as an adult, I recognised that this expressive and sensitive child was, in fact, my authentic self. Acknowledging this allowed me to reconcile with the suppressed parts of me, embracing them wholeheartedly. From that moment, I started to believe, "It's okay to be me."

Understanding the Nature of Fear

For years, I was shackled by fear stemming from my relationship with my ex-husband. The unease, the shrinking of my spirit, and the constant self-doubt were all manifestations of psychological manipulation known as gaslighting. Realising this was a revelation.

Understanding the dynamics of gaslighting lifted the heavy shadow that had loomed over me. I came to see that I wasn't at fault, allowing me to forgive myself and liberate my heart from its chains.

Crafting My Life with My Own Hands

Looking back, it took me seven years to arrive at where I am today. Throughout this period, I faced numerous obstacles, paused countless times, and occasionally regressed. However, by persistently introspecting, listening to my inner voice, and striving to believe in myself, I finally grasped a vital truth.

After seven years, I realised that life isn't about meeting others' expectations but about charting one's own course.

Previously, I tried to define myself through others' evaluations and societal norms. Now, I understand that the true essence of life lies in courageously stepping towards the direction my heart desires.

The past isn't merely a source of pain. 

By accepting and reflecting upon each experience, we can learn, grow, and transform them into strengths.

The future isn't a nebulous fear. 

By walking the path we believe in, we can trust that light will eventually shine upon it.

Therefore, I cherish the present moment more than ever. It's not about achieving perfection but about embracing "the me who is here now" and living earnestly. This accumulation makes my life invaluable.

Walking Together into the Future

Today, even amidst challenges, I hold a firm belief: "Life will unfold as I envision it." While not everything goes as planned, as long as I trust myself and make authentic choices, I believe the future will steer towards brightness.

Hence, I can now say with conviction, "There's no need to worry. I am okay."

I wish to convey this message to my past self and to anyone currently struggling. This unwavering belief, unimaginable seven years ago, has become my greatest strength.

Moving forward, I aspire to share this conviction with many and support others as a counsellor.

The journey to reclaiming self-worth can be daunting alone. However, having someone to walk alongside can make a significant difference. I hope to assist you in discovering your "Locus of Life" and in redrawing your life's narrative.